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Post by shinzo on Nov 29, 2017 7:45:43 GMT
Needless to say, I was entirely unconvinced. I understood that depth of passion, but understood that it, in the hands of one of the Chosen of the Sun, the people tasked with maintaining Creation and, with faith placed in them, the people that would choose whether Creation lived or died, was willing to exaggerate about it's total destruction, it was obviously unhealthy in the extreme. Of course, my calm demeanor was shaken by what she said. "A...glorified prostitute? You think I can't understand because of my -caste-?" Oh no. Oh no no no. "I have lived only a few centuries less than you, Kishar. I have been called to administer loves great and small, loves that burned with unquenchable fire that could have burned Creation to ash with their intensity and left it a charred husk. And in that time, I have seen loves that burned with that intensity? And do you know what they shared? That when they were remembered not with happiness, but with pain, it INEVITABLY resulted in an unhealthy influence. I come from experience, from expertise, and if you are going to dismiss people who's job it is to bring forth the future of the utmost happiness, on what is going to bring happiness, we are going to have a problem." Was this what she really thought? Was this her laying it out on the table, her madness finally showing itself, finally showing just what she thought of the Sidereal Exalted? Hah...was that voice in me right? Was I being played all this time? Should I be taking this opportunity to prepare for a fight?
Following that, though...I was caught off guard. She seemed to collapse into despondency. The manic mood leading into a depressive mood? Likely. But the way she talked...it sounded more genuine than her rage earlier. Had that been just another, interior mask? She could give Kejak a run for her money in her defense of secrets. However...as she talks, I force the smirk that really, -really- wanted to form away and address the more problematic factors first. "Idiot." What sort of thing was it to say that the only thing one was good for was their expertise? Well...the fact that she thought that her mate was still alive was probably another problem, but that could be addressed later. "Your expertise is highly valuable...but at the end of the day, we're both Exalts, and we'd both have an unreasonable amount of time to devote to it. I could probably get home. But tell me, what does that give me? Do I just go out and pretend that the Bronze Prophecy is flawless and the way to go forward? No. I need you, Kishar. I need you because you're a Solar. And, more importantly, I need you because you're -you-, you damn fool." I shake my head. At the end of the day, I needed someone to help. Working for abstracts just didn't jive too well with me.
Following that, I put my hand over hers, and slowly begin to unclasp the chain. "Now. I'm going to explain very calmly and rationally why you're worried over nothing. I'm not afraid of you, Kishar. It would be close...but I'm confident I can defeat you in a fight if it came down to it. In addition, I know that if you're at all willing to listen to reason, I can pry you away from it. Therefore, I can put in place the structure. In addition, I can also prevent you from having access to the substance to begin with. I'd very much rather not institute such a policy, but if it's something you're so worried about, then it's nothing that can't be done."
I look into her eyes. "And, what I want you to know more than anything. You are not a failure. The very fact that you believe that about yourself is one of the main things that convinces me that something is very, very wrong." She claimed her power failed her when they needed her most. From my point of view...they saved Creation in it's entirety already.
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Post by Kishar on Nov 29, 2017 8:11:44 GMT
All talk, all of it. Administered, seen, but never experienced. Only seeing it from an outsider's point of view made our schism inevitable, this wasn't something that a mere observer could understand, not at all. Not only that, but he was concerned with mere happiness. That was not all that life made, nor was it all that true love was about. True love was willing to suffer for the sake of love, true love meant devotion even if it made you unhappy in the short term, because you knew that devotion would make the person you loved happy. But I didn't say any of it, I just kept that to myself. It was obvious that he wouldn't hear it or even try to understand it. It just was not in his mind about what love meant. His caste's job was to bring happiness and pleasure to the world, not something that was completely in line with the nature of what I knew to be true love. "Love isn't always about happiness, Shinzo. Theres far more to it than that," I said, simply leaving it at that as I returned to my own thoughts on the matter. If love was simply about happiness, then separations and finding new lovers all the time when the feeling got stale would be the right thing. But it wasn't, not at all. Such a thing revolted me to the very core of my being, it was something that I would never accept no matter what people tried to tell me. Anyone who had truly experienced the kind of burning and deep love that I had would know that.
I waved off what he said, not moved from my melancholy by what he had said. "No, you don't need me personally. Any Solar with a modicum of sense left in their head would do, with bonus points for being able to work towards figuring out this curse we seem to have identified. I just happened to be the person you found and my expertise is valuable to you. Name one damned thing unique about -me- that couldn't just be fulfilled by another Solar for your plan, I bet you can't. I'm also willing to bet there's plenty of ways that I am less than optimal too instead," I said, responding to what he said. His words were empty, there was no reason why I myself was necessary. I was a failure of a Solar who barely did the duties expected of me by the Mandate and I still didn't produce the results that I so desperately sought. Who was to say it was going to be any different this time? Failure after failure indicated it would just be the same damned story over again. The only reason I didn't go to meet my Mate was that it would make his sacrifice in vain.
"And a close fight would be all I need to win, Shinzo, or at least inflict mutual destruction. Such a climactic moment as that is bound to throw the world into a conflux of possible alternatives I can use," I said, being absolutely blunt about it. So long as the tension got to a high enough level before it ended...I would be able to use that charm to make it work. "Also, how would you prevent me from having access to the materials in a world where I can shape them into being, let alone the fact that you would have to take my only set of clothes away from me to remove my access to Elsewhere," I added, poking holes in his plan further. "And I wish I could say that with such conviction, but look at me and my past. I fail to save the one person I care about most, possibly twice now. I become addicted to dreams. The one thing that I want from my power remains stubbornly out of my reach. Malfeas, I can't even manage to keep my own actions in check at times. What else would you call that besides a failure?" I asked somewhat rhetorically, trying to get the point I was trying to make across.
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Post by shinzo on Nov 29, 2017 8:33:49 GMT
I brush off her point. "Happiness isn't about the short term, Kishar. A long period of general joy with ups and downs is far more value than whirlwind passions that burn up and leave mere cinders in the wind." I knew she didn't think I could understand, that, because I buried myself in work and...well, a lot of hedonism, that I couldn't see what a real, long-lasting, loving relationship was. She didn't refute my point, of course, she couldn't. "I stand by what I said. When an all-encompassing passion for the ages leaves memories of pain and regret rather than fond nostalgia...it is deeply harmful to the person. It is harmful to you. I wish you could trust me on this."
As she tries to disprove my words, I raise an eyebrow. I could count the number of Solars I had any reason to believe had any sense on a single hand...frankly, almost on a single finger. That being said. "You have a modicum of sense. That alone makes you a rarity among the Solar Exalted. Your desire for facts and knowledge, your focus on rationality...when you're not being distracted by the past, it makes you ideal to work with in many respects, though we have our disagreements. Without that, I would have likely ended up dead, it was certainly one of the key reasons you restrained yourself back when I revealed the Prophecy. Your training with the Sidereals into the Martial Arts instilled a sense of respect for us that most wouldn't have. You have an abiding desire to prove yourself and that drive gives you great energy...when it's not being darkened by the shadow hanging over you, of course." I tilt my head. "Is that enough, or should I continue? I'd normally worry about swelling your head, but you seem rather deflated..."
As she tried to poke holes in my theory...I tilted my head. "You mean that charm, don't you?" Breathing Upon the Black Mirror. The final sutra of the Obsidian Shards. That would be one way to force her to confront the revelation...and, honestly, it wouldn't truly bother me which she took. I suspected Happiness...which meant that creation would still be on it's path to being saved with me a part in it, considering I would be the "victor." I shrug. "I don't know whether it would be climactic enough for you to have a fight over glorified intoxicants, but I still believe it wouldn't come to that in the first place." Still..as she mentions what I'd need to do to prevent her access to materials, I have to physically force myself not to begin to make a crass joke. Now was NOT the time...as perfect as it could have been. "I can teleport and destroy them and stop you from performing it. I can convince you that it's a bad idea." There. That was probably safe.
I raise an eyebrow. "You fail to save them, but you help save so much more. Tragedy forges the strongest heroes. In the first, your mate dies, but you help turn the tide in a key battle that allows others to compound and win the war. Your second mate dies, but you are able to escape to this dimension, where we have the time to save all Creation." I look away. "I am truly sorry for what you have lost. What you have experienced. The fact that you are as whole as you are speaks volumes to your strength. But I also believe that happiness and sorrow are to be kept in balance. Frankly, I would like to believe it's why fate led me to meet you." I nod. "You are no failure. Please believe me when I say I have the utmost faith in you."
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Post by Kishar on Nov 29, 2017 8:57:48 GMT
I huffed a little at what he was saying, probably spouting platitudes he didn't truly understand. Without experiencing the sort of love we were talking about, he couldn't truly understand it, and thus his opinion on the matter was worthless in my eyes. But I was done with that topic, we were at a deadlock and it would do no good to continue to kick the dead horse. Unless he could show that he actually knew what ti felt like to have that sort of passion, I was done with his opinions on that particular topic, and it would be obvious from my silence that such a thing was the case. He was a smart and communicative enough person to understand that, I figured.
"Others likely have sense, even if they are just young ones. My sense of rationality is shared by any Devonian, and as such isn't anywhere close to unique to me. Other Solars have trained in the Sidereal Arts, so they have the same sense of respect. I am also sure there are plenty of young Solars who also have that drive to prove themselves. Better yet, they have none of the bad points that I have, so again, you have yet to point out anything unique about me that is good and not replacable with anyone else. I'm just a confluence of traits that makes things convenient, added on top of being powerful and able to help with the research," I said, shaking my head at that. There was nothing that he could name that I could think of right now that would fit, at least not at this moment I couldn't. Maybe he would come up with something, but that seemed about as likely to me as the Ebon Dragon being genuinely helpful with no ulterior motive. I was just a convenient happenstance, not anything unique or special.
"The possible death of a Solar Exalt at the peak of Solar Essence or the possible death of a Sidereal Exalt at the peak of Sidereal Essence, both of these are events that would make it trigger i would imagine," I said, giving my reasoning. As for his response, I shrugged and said, "Perhaps, but for how long? You like making those trips to go elsewhere and there always could be a situation where you have to leave. It's not a guaranteed thing that it would be stopped. Perhaps it might work for a while, but is it even worth it for a failure like me? I would think not, you would have better things to do at that point. Like try to find a way back home without me." I wasn't anywhere near convinced by his argument at this point, but I was quickly running out of steam and ability to even care anymore, a black cancer eating away at my resolve from within as I continued to fail to see the point of doing anything. What was the point? Why was I bothering to argue when it was obvious that he would never accept what I had to say? Why did I even bother?
"What is the point of saving a Creation with nothing left for me? Why would I want to save a world that only takes what I care from me and gives me worthless power in return for it with no way to obtain anything I want from it?" I asked, deadly serious about that. "Why would I want to save a system of Fate that has done nothing but use my power to sustain itself and give me nothing in return for what is sacrificed for it? In one sense I am not a failure, at least not to Fate as a whole so far. But to everything I care about? I am an utter failure. I fail to save them, I have my efforts redirected to help things I care far less about and am forced to sacrifice the few things I truly care about for a system that does nothing but screw me over and get in the way of what I do to try to lessen the pain." I shake my head again and look him straight in the eye, "I understand that you have faith in me, and it makes sense, after all you are an agent of Fate. I haven't failed it yet, but to me I am a failure. I have failed everything that I care about. And that is all that matters, really."
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Post by shinzo on Nov 29, 2017 9:15:05 GMT
I roll my eyes. "Well, considering you don't think that the way people are unique is through enough separate coincidences that combine to form ourselves, I'm not sure what to tell you. Young Solars tend to be far too prideful and stubborn to be much use working with on any level other than indoctrination. But no. I suppose at the end of the day, you're just an abnormally convenient confluence of traits...almost as if you're a living creature or something that is ideal for resolving this situation." And I shake my head. "I'll inform you additionally, that merely learning Sidereal Martial Arts does not, by any means, give a sense of respect. Quite the opposite, really. It's essentially worse than a crapshoot, almost a certainly, that a century or less after learning, they get it in their heads that they've learned all they needed to and that our usefulness has run out." I laugh. "At that point, your negative traits are just things that could be replaced with far worse options from other Exalts. So I find it a disingenuous thing to complain about."
I was arguing with her and not getting anywhere...which was when I noticed an expression on her face. Immediately, I performed a Thought-Stealing Distraction, reaching into her mind and seeing...corrosive darkness. What even was that? It was hideous, that was for sure, and I dispelled it without a second thought. "You obviously don't know enough about me, Kishar. I'm not going to turn my back on you. I'm not going to lose faith in you." As she began to sink back down, I sigh. "I know that things look horrible. I know that you have suffered. I know that seeing suffering like this...it makes me wonder whether Destiny is worth it in the first place. If things wouldn't be better left to their own accord. But Fate is not cruel. It flows. In time, the scales right themselves." I frown. "I am an agent of Fate...but I'm more than that. I'm an Exalt. I bend and adjust fate so that happiness can be maximized. Please...I'm begging you at this point, Kishar. Let me show you that while your past had more than it's fair share of despair, that joy lies on the horizon. Don't give in to...that..." That black sludge...it still disgusted me just thinking about it.
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Post by Kishar on Nov 29, 2017 18:38:51 GMT
I shrugged at what he said, no longer in any sort of mood to care too much, and instead calling a bottle of extremely potent alcohol into existence before flopping down onto a couch. It was something that I felt that I needed right now, and because of that I would indulge as much as I damn well pleased. I was the master of this domain, however pointless that was, and I would damn well use that to my advantage. "So I'm one of the least bad apples out of a barrel of rotten fruit, good to know where I stand," I said, waving my hand before taking a long drink from my flask. It would take a huge amount of liqour to get me drunk, I had put a bit of time into enhancing my healing and metabolism to help make my job easier and so that I wouldn't have to attend to my own injuries and distract myself from my work. "That doesn't inspire too much hope to know that such a thing is the case, it makes it just that much more pointless to be honest, at this point the only reason I have to go back is to try to save my mate, though I am likely going to fail at that too, just like everything else important," I said, sighing and taking another long draft from my alcohol. I didn't even give a single thought as to what else would happen to Creation if we didn't go back at this point. It was meaningless to me, Creation could be rebuilt with enough time and effort. What did it matter if it was destroyed or damaged like it was going to be?
My dark mood lifted for a second...before coming absolutely coming back with a vengeance, the black cancer taking offense at whatever had just tried to suppress it. I drank more deeply of my liquor when this happened, my mind becoming dull to caring and the outside world, everything going numb as I simply drowned my cares in the liquor before me. "Why wouldn't you? It's not like it would be an unreasonable thing to do. I'm a failure of a person that can't even save the people she loves. You have every right to," I said, waving off his attempts to placate me and try to convince me that he would be there for me. He was just spouting platitudes at this point, trying to convince me of things that were utterly wrong even if he believed they were right. "And that is where you are wrong. Fate might not be intentionally malicious, but it is cruel in it's efficiency and attempts to keep itself together. It would take far more than what Fate could or would be willing to offer me to balance the scales as you say. It keeps giving me pointless things in an attempt to give back what it took away, but nothing it is prepared to give is something I would consider worth it," I said, swirling my drink and looking straight into my reflection.
In it was not my own face, but a twisted reflection of myself that I saw every so often. Blood ran from my forehead in a mockery of my caste mark, and the gold of my form was replaced by pitch darkness. However, no matter how much I showed it to others or reviewed Enki's recordings, no evidence of this could be seen. It was a vision given to me by my knowledge of the Shards, after all. "And look at what happens to your kind when you bend fate too much, the Spiders bite you. It's obvious that fate cares not for the happiness of the people it governs, only that 'things happen as they should'. To Oblivion with 'what should happen', I could care less about that," I said, taking another drink and disrupting the image in doing so before adding, "How I wish I could throw Fate down the mouth of the abyss, it would make things so much better for everyone and might even do something to mollify my pain."
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Post by shinzo on Nov 29, 2017 19:25:52 GMT
Kishar angry, even bitter...those were things I could react to. Those were things I could get through, get past, get around. They weren't anything too difficult, I had dealt with far more obstinate people on a fairly daily occurrence in Heaven. But this...this sheer depression, this utter malaise, this desire to just waste away...this wasn't something I could accept. This wasn't something I could be reasonable with. I couldn't help but get angry, though I knew I needed to bottle it down, at least a bit. The only thing that gave me hope was, ironically, that abominable black sludge, that disgusting morass that covered her mind. "Whatever is making you like this is not natural, Kishar." I say, slowly, calmly, trying to hold back my anger. "I can see it. I know it." I sigh, and shake my head.
I ignore her dark mutterings about how she couldn't even save the one she loves. "You are taking two points in history, two points of tragedy, and using them to impugn a life of acheivement. And believe me when I say...that isn't natural." Natural reactions of loss were pain, were despondency...but they weren't disruption of thousands of years of existence. Things naturally passed into memory...they didn't linger in shadow...
I blink. I got more than a bit of an inkling about what that black morass was. And if it was, boy would he have to hold himself back from chewing her out later. And when she thought about tossing fate into the Abyss...well, that just makes things more obvious. She was under the Neverborn's influence...how distressing.
I shake my head at her dismissal of fate. Not to say I haven't felt similarly...but that wasn't true. Not at all. "Fate holds itself together. Fate can seem capricious. But it is nothing more than neutral. How you react to it...that's on you, and on whatever affects your mind." I frown. "I don't know whether that dark substance is the curse, though I suspect it's not. In any event, there is something that grips your mind, and something, whether it is that, or the curse, has gripped your mind since your original mate's death. It has twisted a heroic sacrifice made with nothing more than joy in being able to preserve the life of one he loved into a sort of obligation. It has forced you to live your life under a shadow that has lasted for millenia." I didn't hold anything back at this point.
At this point, having slept and not having used charms to flare her anima...I felt willing to go ahead and use another charm. She didn't react to me swiping her thoughts, so instead, I turned to an old favorite from the same tree as that one. "If you really believe this, then maybe you should just wallow around like this. Maybe you should just waste away. Maybe I would be better off without you." Normally, making statements like this would just be conceding the argument to her. However...with the application of this charm, it was perhaps the most sincere pick-up speech I could perform. It enhanced my attempt to convince her extremely...by making whatever I said seem naturally to be a lie. That it would give her the strength to prove me wrong, to find out the truth, to be useful.
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Post by Kishar on Nov 30, 2017 1:15:40 GMT
I chuckled a bit darkly at what he said, not natural? No, it was perfectly natural to hate something that fucked you over as much as Fate did to me, and what he was saying about achievement? Ha! I couldn't help but smirk at that, what achievement? Sure, there were plenty of things I had done, and others had enjoyed the results of my labor, but it had done nothing for me at all! "Achievement means nothing, the accolades of those whose praise you could not care less about means nothing. Sure, I have made plenty of things, and some of those things might make some peoples lives better, but that matters nothing to me. All of the blood, sweat, and Essence I put into those things were wasted, they didn't get me what I wanted. Nothing in Creation can get me what I want," I said, drinking deeply of my glass before conjuring another one, tossing the other one across the room for someone else to pick up the pieces. I couldn't even enjoy the alcohol I was making besides just the numbness that it brought to me. It was sad, but I didn't really care right now. I just wanted to have my mind muddled right about now to drown out everything, including the dark despair that was eating me from the inside.
I shrugged at what he said and replied, "And that's just a nice way of saying it could give a damn what it does to people so long as it keeps itself together. So no, there's no real karmic balance and there's no guarantee things will get paid back to me in kind for what it took from me to keep itself together. It just gets in the way, and thus to the Abyss with it and all things like it." I was unsure of what he meant by a dark substance, and as I thought about it I could find my mind being led away...but I would not let it. Not in the least, I didn't care if it snapped back at me for trying to defy it's whims. I could make out...something in myself that was deeper inside, but I couldn't get a good look at it. The reason for that was a mass of Abyssal essence that had grown far out of control. How I hadn't noticed it before was beyond me, perhaps it wasn't nearly this extensive under normal circumstances. That actually had to be the only explanation, and something had let it grow out of check. But what was it coming from? It had to be coming from something, perhaps from the same thing that I theorized let us control it to perform mirrored versions of our charms.
I was obviously conflicted, and his words just added to that. I didn't have the charms to throw off this influence entirely, even if I had noticed it. The only ones I had involved drawbacks, namely either inflicting me with another mental condition that would oppose what was happening, or having to use that charm that would make me relive my past. However...right now I was questioning whether that was a good idea. How long had this cancer been there? What was causing it? I had to know! With a force of will, I returned control of myself long enough to stand up and move away from him, moving over to a mirror in the room, my will obviously straining as I made my way over there. With the last ounce of will put into this fading, I forced myself to use a bit more to use that damned charm on myself so that I could figure out what was happening once and for all, before falling to the ground unconscious.
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Post by shinzo on Nov 30, 2017 2:19:55 GMT
I listen to her, and I understand it. More than most even could. It hurt. It always hurt. No matter what she said to try and distance herself from my own experience and knowledge, I was confident that I was one of the people most able to relate to her situation. So, I was willing to sit through her spiel, because frankly, I asked myself a lot of them as well. "It might not. So what are you going to do about it? Are you going to curl up and die? Or are you going to keep trying?" It wasn't as if there were other options. It wasn't as if I could find other options. She could potentially change the way the universe worked...but death was death. What mattered, though, was that her time going forward wasn't as shadowed as it was going forward. Her mate, the one that had been alive for most of her life, had lacked the opportunity for a true and whole love because he was endlessly placed under her former mate's shadow. And that was the worst thing. It wasn't fate that had taken her happiness. It was whatever had made her obsession what it was.
I of course had arguments over whether it 'just got in the way' or if it was just a wholly neutral factor that had unfortunate consequences...but I didn't voice it. Not when she was struggling with herself. Not when she began to look more harried, not when it seemed like my admonitions had an effect on her. And certainly not as she began to drag herself over to the mirror...and though I held back enough to make it seem like I didn't have a vested interest one way or the other, to make it sure that she was the one who had chosen this...I couldn't help but be ready at a moment's notice to catch her if she stumbled. But still...she made it there, and she activated the charm. And when she fell unconscious, I caught her and let her down gently onto the ground to undergo the meditation that the charm established. And when she was fully under it's influence, I knew that it would be done soon enough. One way or another, in a few moments, she would have relived her life, and she would have seen just what effects these aberrant effects would have had on her throughout her life.
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Post by Kishar on Nov 30, 2017 3:57:59 GMT
Even before I had hit the ground, I was out of it and living my life in reverse. The first thing that I noticed was that I was most definitely under the influence of some sort of unnatural influence right before I had used the charm, but the next thing that I noticed was that Shinzo had also used a bit of unnatural mental influence. This irked me more than a little bit, probably more than was due, so I made a mental note to engineer a concoction that would give him what seemed to be a disease of temperence for a few days just to show my ire towards him. I would probably just slip it into his tea or have it dispersed in the air through his Manse. That way it would seem like there was an outbreak from his daliances. That would show him about using that sort of thing on me, especially when I was vulnerable and under the influence of something. From there, it went black for a while before the spree that I had been under came across my vision, and it did seem that I was also struck with something. It didn't become clear what until I had gone all the way back through it, and what it seemed to be was a burst of random inspiration that got way out of hand due to my conviction to the idea. My thought was that Shinzo would try and force me to sleep and it would stop my creative flow from coming properly as for why I did that, and I was already sleep deprived and manic enough to think that was a good idea.
After that, time began to pass more quickly with less bits of note. A few instances here and there of the two different cycles of madness that I had noted, happening in a cyclical fashion. Manic to Depressive, Depressive to Manic. Whatever was causing them was drawing at the core of my Solar essence to cause the manic cycles, whereas the Depressive cycles seemed to be pulling at something else. They also only started to happen very noticably after I initaited in the Labyrinth Circle of Necromancy and learned the charm called Black Mirror Revelation. Years passed by of my routine life, falling into a rhythm that made it go by rather quickly. It was broken up every so often by events, but it wasn't until it hit the time of Cascading Years that anything particularly interesting happened besides more instances of what I had been seeing happened. I relived my experience there, but oddly in reverse as usual. Nothing particularly unusual seemed to appear, but that might have been because Creation was so broken that it wouldn't even show as strange even if it was. It was impossible to tell, just like it was impossible to completely and totally recall the battles with the Rogue primordial, which I had known would be the case from the first time that I learned this charm.
And then I rewatched the time that I was learning Martial Arts, going in reverse order. It was interesting to see that it wouldn't replay my experiences having used this charm, meaning it wasn't self referencing. I couldn't help but feel disgusted with myself as I regressed past my self-imposed training into the Solar Hero Style to break myself out of the Dreamstone addiction, and only could sit and watch it all happen again, disgusted with myself the entire time. However, what happened next was what broke me the most. Rewatching the scene of my mate's death but in reverse was all sorts of terrible, and after that the war came and went, sometimes obscured with blurry parts even in the perspective that was supposed to show the truth. Whatever this Primordial did, it prevented any sort of inquiry into what had happened. Perhaps it was like that then too, made so that we would have a hard time figuring out it's weaknesses. But after that...was when the real horror begun.
I watched in horror as I looked on at what my relationship with my mate was really like...and after a certain amount of time I had to accept it. He had been exploiting me, making me dependent on him. I couldn't take it, it was too much. Was I such a fool that I had not only fallen for it, but had never noticed it until now? Of course, otherwise seeing it the first time would have shattered my illusions. It had been founded on natural mental influence, so I hadn't seen it in the aftermath before...but now I could see it clear as day. After a while, I couldn't take it anymore. I wouldn't take it anymore. I couldn't watch it anymore. With a flex of my will I removed the commitment to my charm and came back into the world, shellshocked and breathign a million miles a minute. I couldn't deal with questions right now, I needed to be alone. I didn't want to deal with anyone. My life was a lie, my love was false, and the very reason I had done everything was taken from me. With a weak flex of my will, I disappeared from the room and made my way to the Genesis lab. I needed to work this out. I had to let some of this off right now before I exploded. I made sure to lock the manse against entry, and informed Enki to dissuade Shinzo from following after me. I had a biomotonic replicant...or ten to make.
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Post by shinzo on Nov 30, 2017 5:26:29 GMT
I knew she would be waking up momentarily. I had seen that charm be used...I had been under that charm before, more than the time that Kishar placed me under. She would uncover what had happened soon enough.
Honestly, I expected her to hate me. After all...it was easy to hate the one that pulled the wool out from one's eyes. A world that had seemed so much different would await her, and, as she said many, many times, her love for her mate was what animated her, what helped her push forward. What kept her going. And if my suspicions were right, then what she would see would take that image and tarnish it. I honestly hoped it didn't. I hoped that her memories of him were anything and everything they could be. I hoped that the shadow that hung over her time with her mate's reincarnation was 'merely' the result of whatever influence had affected the Solar Exalted. But there was too much the stench of manipulation, of indoctrination, too great a distinction between her rational focus on the world and her unquestioning fawning adoration over words millenia old in the face of evidence to the contrary. What I hoped was that, with time, she would be willing to get back to work.
When she woke up, she looked strained, haggard beyond belief. The look of someone who's world had just been turned upside-down. And, in a moment, she disappeared. "Kishar! Wait!" I call out, moving towards the space she had existed at only moments ago. Just like I'd expected. She didn't want to be around me? But, that didn't change the fact that I needed to confirm what went on, to understand just what revelations she had seen. If I didn't...then this would be for nothing. Even if the peaceful existence could be over.
With that, I direct my attention to her AI, while it still referred to me as someone with security privileges. "Enki. Where is Kishar?" The AI responded quickly, and in a way that I didn't expect. "Kishar is fine, but wishes to be left alone at present." That was peculiar in a few ways. It wasn't as intense a response as I expected Kishar to hold against me if she did have time to input it, but it was also not the straightforward answer. "Enki, do I still have security privilege?" The AI's reply was quick. "Yes, Master Shinzo." I continue. "So, if I order you, you'll tell me where Kishar is?" Again. "Yes. However, I felt it best to keep it quiet at first unless pressed, out of politeness." Sighing and shaking my head, I take a deep breath. "Well, I guess I've got other stuff I could be doing..."
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